devotedtothecore | question meme???

TALK TO ME ABOUT CHRYS'S FEELINGS AND PONDERINGS ON WEREDOM both Aertas and his own hypothetical

OKAY NOW THAT I AM FINALLY GETTING TO THIS PLACE LIKE A WINNER, like a million shenanigans later

I think I ended up babbling some of this to you in chat anyway but going over it again. In general the idea of being a were (as it is looking more and more like to him, esp. after dragon rampage incident) is deeply uncomfortable to Chrys because it involves a potential loss/surrendering of self-control and awareness and consciousness and mind heart body etc to something else that is Not Him, even if it's only for moments. Even without the god-priest connotations attached it would be something that he would think a hundred times over before even considering entering into it-- that is, if he had the luxury to think about it (and it wasn't a snap life-or-death moment of BECOME A WERE OR SOMETHING HORRIBLE WILL HAPPEN IN 5 SECONDS kind of thing.) Because as we've established before, being conscious of himself, in control and driving the reins of his own will, is very important to him and something he has grown almost paranoid about holding on to, because so many circumstances and un-choices have been forced upon himself for so long that "I made the decision to do this deed this way" is one of the few bitter consolations he could hold onto. (And even then I'm pretty sure there were will-bending Games even in his time, too, which didn't help this at all.) He has had enough of things outside of him taking over his helm in any shape or form. This is not to say that he hasn't considered objectively the potential benefits of were (in terms of augmenting physical power, strength, abilities etc), or that he wouldn't feel better in some way if he did become one (because he might--emphasis on might-- then be able to better bridge/support to what Aerta has become/is becoming), but... he can't do it. It's too risky, it's putting himself even more into the hands of Another, another god-thing, another creature, and it is not the best path he could be taking in terms of moving forward. And now he knows he has enough trouble with his own mind as it is.

But that is his personal feelings on it, for himself. It's different for Aerta, because he understands that Aerta, unlike him, needs the kind of bond that the weredom offers-- that he can't fully empathize with because he is not and has never been a plantperson???-- the bond between self and the natural world, because that is so much a part of who she was and is and to not have that bond in this new world is a suffering for her and she would not be able to ever fully live in it if she could not find ground to root in. And he is conflicted! Because he was the one who encouraged her to try and live in this world, with him! And this is a step to that, unique to her needs and not his, and he could accept that even though the idea of priesting/attachment to Ygin (god and feargod) for her who has been kind of, you know, attached to a god already for so long, rustles his jimmies whenever he thinks about it. So he would support her decision however he could and keep an eye out for if/when things took a darker/Not Okay turn at the same time.

Which it looks like is starting to happen. 8|;;; And while he is still dealing with a lot of his own issues right now the knowledge that she actually has gone from having a part of the creature to becoming the creature and losing herself entirely (or so it was reported), plus the added discovery of someone like Gilgamesh taking advantage of that event and using her--- he is afraid. He is afraid of losing her entirely. She told him and he knows that walls ill suit her compared to forests and he does not want to keep her from them but to lose "Aerta" to whatever creature it is living in/with/becoming part of her, the possibility of it overwhelming her, will now be a very real possibility in his mind, because she is his most important thing that he still has.

I THINK THUSIA COULD USE A HAPPY/NICE THING HAPPENING SOON AFTER ALL THESE SHENANIGANS, do you have any thoughts on a potential event that would be actual fun/lighthearted encouragement for characters 8|a

Edited 2012-10-09 20:14 (UTC)

.... I'll be back here next week :)!!!

Ok so

hi

:')

hi :') nothing personal brosef

seriously

....I am going to get back to this because yours is a longer answer than the other two, though you should help me by actually having questions o9"

RIGHT

man what can I even say here that isn't rehashing stuff I babbled at you in chat

Of all the people he's met in Thusia, Chrono is probably the one who best gets him, what he went through, what that was like, what that meant to him, in the way that only someone who'd gone through those things would really comprehend. Empathy on the level of similar experiences and ways of dealing with those experiences, and the living, constant living in the aftermath. The kind of person one would be, to deal with these things in this way.

He feels he likewise gets Chrono, even not really knowing the specifics of his history, but surmising from the way he talks, the expressions on his face and a small, though not insignificant amount of just... feeling the echoes of the merpire that came before him. Because of this it wasn't difficult to just open up to him in a way he could with few others... probably any others, that time after Lumi's trauma buttonmashing. Raven he could never really talk to about Spirea because it was a Thing for him, too. Aerta he just tries not to talk about the specifics what he went through after her disappearance in general. None of the other successors would've had the same understanding. Chrono was just enough of a stranger and enough of a kindred spirit that he could talk... and talk, and talk, possibly for the first time since the day he left her behind in the stone.

So there's that kind of brodere bond of quiet mutual understanding there. He feels that Chrono is... kind, and much stronger than he is in heart, in the work of carrying on for those left behind, and the art of living on, and he seems just as old if not older than Chrys in both time and experience. And he respects Chrono for it, and takes his words and perspective with far greater weight for it, and despite himself can't help feeling a little jealous of the things Chrono has, in the now.

Nothing of the above has changed since the recent Shenanigans. Chrono did exactly what Chrys thought he would (once Chrys was able to think again). He had a good enough idea of what Ptou meant to Chrono that he expected no less. And Chrys owed it to him to at least cut down part of the burden of guilt Chrys had placed on him by causing him to have failed to protect his Important Thing. He carries enough as it is. He doesn't deserve more, least from the hands of someone like Chrys that Chrono had put trust and kindness into.

(When he considers how far gone he was, that the betrayal this would be to Chrono didn't factor in his equations at all.... because "Ptou" wasn't in the equation, all else connected to it was equally invisible.)

He will accept if Chrono never forgives him for what he did to Ptou. He's not sure it'll never happen, because Chrono's kindness might yet compel him to do something that really doesn't have to be. But he does expect Chrono understands what Chrys did to him, and why. Because they're similar creatures enough, after all.

Chrono's perspective on the recent shenanigans and Chrys?

Tell me how much you love me, bro.

Like we're social link level 8 or 9.

More specifically, for him Raven is... it feel strange to call him constant, given how like the wind he is in various senses of the phrase, but he is. He'd always been predictable in his ways, at the core. For all their infrequent reunions over the years of the surface world he could count on Raven to be Raven whenever they saw each other again, and they would see each other again, because he honestly couldn't fathom anything in the world that Raven couldn't somehow get himself out of. A simple faith in the ~~idiocy~~ strength of a friend. Raven would wander where he would but sometime that breeze would come by Chrys's part of the land again and they'd hang out and jab each other and scuffle and mull over stuff together and call each other's bullshit like it is. He understood Raven and how he worked, and Raven understood Chrys and how he worked, and even if they didn't necessarily share the same viewpoints on the world, he respected Raven's because they were Raven's.

Likewise, years later, he understood that Raven would inevitably disappear, long, long before he left on that final journey into the tunnels. And there was nothing he could do to stop it, only delay it. So he kept letting the dwindling wind come close to him as much as he could, as long as he could, even though Raven's presence was a painful reminder of so many things that Chrys shut down all the more to cope with Raven sitting just metres away for hours on end, fighting the losing battle against everything pressing in on them. Because sooner or later he would go away too, like the others of his people, like Aerta, like Red, like Feathers.

When the news came he greeted it calmly. And then afterwards calmly went to one of the few taverns still open and got very, very drunk. And possibly into a brawl.

SO ANYWAY NOW THUSIA. The way they just slipped right back into old rhythms, despite how much older and more worn Chrys has become, despite Raven's still lingering psychological scars-- it's a great comfort, to Chrys. It grounds him. He's not entirely alone, here, even if other important people aren't. And he is glad, glad, glad for Raven to have this second chance in a brighter world, a chance to grow back into himself under a true sky. And while Chrys isn't really able to believe with the old certainty anymore in whether or not Raven will stay-- there's few things Chrys believes for certain anymore-- he'll do his damnedest to ground Raven, too. However and whenever he can.

Ur turn '3'